I don’t have squirrels in my mouth but I do wear glasses. Then can pose a hazard for me and my wife. Everybody loses when you smash little bits of wire and plastic between two faces.
Posts Tagged ‘wordless’
I know a bunch of people that have a strong aversion to mushrooms. I started eating them when I was little because my mom would put them on her salads. The first time I saw wild mushrooms I was amazed! Look! Right here on the ground! I had only seen them in grocery stores before and never really questioned where they came from.
Back in college I was walking to class and about 50 yards from the door I got a big blob of bird poop in my hair. I thought it was a stick or something that hit me and instantly reached up and got it on my hand. I also tipped the balance of it so it started to ooze down the side of my head onto my cheek. I had to walk all the way back home and shower. I was very late for class.
I recently took a shower that was too warm and my skin was crazy dry and itchy afterward. Then I did it again and felt silly. My third shower I was careful to keep the temperature reasonable but I was still just as itchy. This is when I realized I’m allergic to the new brand of body wash we bought.
Also if you have a new iPad, Kindle, nook or other e-reader type device, check out the Biff and Maximumble e-books I have available in my store!
I hate when pizza hasn’t been prepared carefully and I get a bone stabbing into my cheek. That’s the advantage of homemade. You can kill it properly and take the time to do things right.
My dog always perks up when a breeze hits us. Her nose goes crazy as a bunch of new smells hit her. I wonder if a car ride is a smell overload. New smells constantly hitting you at 30 or 40 miles per hour. “hey a cat, whoa a barbecue, was that a raccoon, squirrel!”
A few weeks ago my next door neighbor had a tree cut down. There was no warning that this was going to happen. I heard a chainsaw and looked out the window to see a dude just going at it. He was dressed like someone out to pick up something from the grocery store. I had a moment of panic where I started to wonder if my neighbor hired this guy or if it was some sort of weird chainsaw vandal roaming the streets.
One summer I came home from a fair with 5 or 6 helium balloons. I tied them all together and then started adding weights. I tied on some sticks, a Star Wars figure, a couple green army men and other stuff I found. I kept experimenting until I found the right combination to achieve neutral buoyancy. The whole thing would float in the middle of the living room at whatever altitude I would put it in. I took it outside and paraded it around the neighborhood like some sort of pet. I had a yard stick with me and I would give it a little push and it would float out ahead of me. I would catch up and push it off in another direction. I was walking down my driveway when the wind took hold of it and slowly sucked it straight up into the sky. I stood there watching it thinking and second now it will come back down. Some 25 or so years later I still wonder if anyone ever found it.
When I was a kid there was rarely anything more amazing than coming home from a hards days work sledding to the news that your pajamas were just finishing up in the clothes dryer. Going from the chilly outside air directly into warm pajamas was magical. I’m actually surprised that it’s not common to have an individual pajama heater in most bedrooms. Place your pajamas in the little box on top of your dresser and hit the warm button. 5 minutes later “ding” toasty jams.
Today’s Biff has his own theme song.
Cutting into your wedding cake is a pretty low stress affair compared to most cake cutting situations. Birthday cakes have a lot of portion politics wrapped up in it. At your wedding you can pretty much do whatever you want as long as it’s entertaining for the audience.
Today’s Biff is branching out.