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Posts Tagged ‘eggs’
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For some reason the Easter bunny really freaked me out. A four foot tall rabbit that would sneak around my yard was creepy. I had a nightmare of pulling back the curtain on a window and his giant head was there pressed against the glass.
It sometimes seems silly how we make things like dog treats into special shapes for their humans to enjoy. As long as it smells good the dog will eat it, no matter the shape! I wonder why novelty shapes aren’t more popular. I would like some tanks and jets so I could pretend my dog was godzilla destroying the army defending my town.
When I was little I thought the easter bunny laid the eggs! How childish! He just takes them by force. So many families go hungry in early April as the local egg supply dries up. Tragic.
I’m constantly finding spiders in our bathtub. For the longest time I could never figure out why they were so attracted to it. Was it the color? The temperature? The moisture? Then one day it dawned on me. Spiders naturally crawl everywhere in the house. The bathtub is just very slippery to them. Once the crawl in they can’t get out.
Today’s Biff let’s it all out.
It’s such a dreadful feeling when I would sleep through my alarm on a workday. The whole time I’m driving there is in anticipation of seeing my boss as I walk to my desk. I have to then sheepishly smile and give a little fake laugh. “Overslept!” What an amazing thing to walk by her desk and see the post-it note saying that she’s out sick today.
Today’s Biff is forked.
I have spent many hundreds of visits to McDonalds unsuccessfully purchasing from their breakfast menu. They have changed the cut off time over the years and I think some individual restaurants will have their own schedule. Whatever it is I will arrive there 5 minutes too late. 5 minutes late means all the breakfast menu signage is still up. Taunting me. Make just one more McMuffin!
Today’s Biff is in deep.
My breakfasts are rarely more elaborate than putting milk in the bowl after filling it with cereal. That’s why hotel breakfast buffets are so exciting to me. Some hotels are pretty skimpy and barely serve up cereal and watery orange juice. We recently stayed at one that had moldy bagels. Some have an amazing array of eggs and sausages and waffles and fresh fruit and pancakes and mounds of bacon. The best hotels will even have a chef to make you a custom omelette while you wait. I wish there was a breakfast truck like that set up in front of my house everyday.
Today’s Biff loses some weight.
I was always the jokester or the funny picture drawer at most of my jobs. The downside is that after awhile all of that kind of stuff gets blamed on me. Even the bad puns or horribly drawn doodles on the white board. If someone made shadow puppets in front of the projector during the meeting everyone would first look at me. Funny sound on the quarterly earnings conference call? “Was that Chris?” Somebody rearranged all the office supplies in the manager’s cubicle? Well that one was me but it was hilarious.
Today’s Biff boots up.
I’m glad my food doesn’t try to talk to me in the morning. I really need some caffeine before I’m ready for something like that.
Hmm… I really want to get some hash browns today but they were very critical of my haircut last time. I better just go with sausage. They don’t care about looks.
