“Hmm… you are wearing sandals. That may be a problem when we are wading through the swampy parts. What blood type are you?”
Posts Tagged ‘dating’
“Wouldn’t want all this food to go to waste! Probably cost a lot of money judging by that fancy foil swan that came with it. Hmm… I sure hope he didn’t die from food poisoning.”
I’ve known a few men and women that fall into this trap. It’s not just relationships though. I know a few people that can rarely hold a job for more than a year because every single boss they get is crazy. Even when everyone else at that company has worked there for 10 years.
Also, I’m having a moving sale! Use the code MOVING at checkout to get 25% off your total order. Make my life easier by having less stuff to haul away in a truck! Go to the store here!
I enjoy spicy foods but I don’t eat them very often. Nobody else in my house likes them so I lose out. Occasionally we’ll make some elaborate nachos at home and my wife will pick up a jar of pickled and sliced jalapeños for me. I like 1 slice on each bite.
You gotta be careful when you lean in for that first kiss. You have to successfully judge the speed of the oncoming skull and quickly decide which side of the nose you are aiming for. If your foreheads connect, the resulting sound may reveal how hollow your head really is. All this and the appetizers haven’t even arrived yet!
Today’s Biff is high.
I like visiting new places when I have a local friend to guide me around to all the interesting places. Too often I go somewhere and just see the really famous stuff that is on the pamphlets in the hotel lobby. Although I guess it’s also fun to visit the Golden Gate bridge or the London Eye or the Sidney Opera House if just for the extra thrill you get watching it destroyed in next summer’s monster/alien invasion/disaster movie.
Today’s Biff putts.
A few times a year I’ll hear a Great Horned Owl in the backyard. I like to go out there in the dark and try to find it. I never do. The hooting seems to come from everywhere. It will eventually stop calling or suddenly fly away from a tree that is nowhere near the one I am currently staring at.
I loved firefly season as a kid. We loved to hit them out of midair with baseball bats. They made a cool yellow arc through the darkened neighborhood. “Ooh that was totally a homerun!” And we liked to squish them with our fingers and spear them on our faces for instant glow-in-the dark warpaint. For some reason there aren’t as many of them around anymore.
Our dog will sometimes freak out and start pacing around for no apparent reason. You want your toy? No. Do you need more water? No. Do you need to go outside? Ah okay… Then as I open the door I’m clobbered with a sudden blast of skunk that the dog had been hit with ten minutes before.
I’m no good at small talk. “Hey nice weather we’re having.” That “I’m afraid of silence so I have to make the word sounds happen here because that’s what makes humans different from plants” kind of thing. I wonder how often the person next to me is just pretending to be checking his email or listening to music on headphones to avoid the inevitable plant conversation.