Would it be walking around all by itself? It could go wherever it wanted? What about when I have to pee?
Archive for August, 2013
Made with real Idaho potatoes and only the choicest cuts of beef. Find it today in your grocer’s refrigerated section. Consume within 3 days of opening. Please stop buying this. We love your money but hate ourselves.
I don’t wear all my clothes anymore. Back in college I would wear every single scrap of clothing I had to put off having to lug it all down to the laundromat. Making friends with someone that had machines in their house or apartment was a common goal.
It’s weird when I have to sign for a package. I just put an illegible scrawl in the little signature box. It’s more of a weird ritual than any sort of security measure.
I saw many heads literally explode on the internet recently after someone pointed out dictionaries listing 2 contrasting definitions for “literally”. It’s entertaining because contranyms are not something new that was invented on tumblr 2 years ago. It’s literally been like this for hundreds of years.
I sometimes complain about seeing bugs in my house. Then I complained on the Internet. Lots of people live in parts of the world where it doesn’t get very cold in the winter and the bugs apparently never stop growing. They are very excited to share pictures to let me know what parts of the world I should never visit.
I had an older brother that liked to take things from me when I was really little. Especially food. Consequently I’m irrationally territorial about food that is “mine”. “Hey! Who said you could have a single m&m out of my 5-gallon barrel?!”
I don’t have a smart phone but my kids have a few toy versions. I think I’ll take one to stare at the next time I have to sit around in a doctor’s waiting room. “M says ‘mmmm’ as in miniature monkey!”